A Debating Pilgrimage

Yes, the title is a pun of sorts. Even I wouldn't wouldn't put that as my title for no reason . . . well okay, I would. But the issue is that I didn't.

GAAAH!!!! WHY??? . . . I said "the issue is" . . . I must've said that phrase today at least 6 or 7 times. Stupid debate camp . . . SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY POOR LITTLE MIND???!!

*ahem* Okay. So now you know what the first part of the title is: the debate camp. For those of you who don't know (as in, everyone who isn't David or Dr. C, or Megan) what the second part is, you'll just have to wait in terrible suspense. *evil laugh*

Anyway, Debate Camp. If you'll recall, I said I probably wouldn't post anything here until Friday . . . which has obviously come and gone. Which will be explained later. But anyway, the reason is that I had a "Debate Boot Camp for Beginning Debaters." Basically, there were three days of getting up early, going to a class type of thing for 9 hours, where we would be given lectures (with short breaks interspersed here and there), then come home and do 3-4 hours of homework. Of course, that makes it sound like torture. At least to me it does. But it was actually quite enjoyable, other than getting up early and having like literally 2 hours of free time from Wednesday morning to Saturday afternoon. And those two hours were spent going to see Pilgrim's Progress at LifeHouse, which is of course the second part of the title.

So on Wednesday, I got up and showered, ate, and we left. And we somehow managed to miss our exit and arrived a few minutes late. But we got there before they started, and Mrs. Lane (who was in charge of the whole thing) gave us a basic rundown: we would be listening to the "AEAers" (people who had debated in the AEA debate club), and they would be cramming everything there is to know about debating down our throats in three days. I don't really remember the divisions of the lectures and who gave them (it all started blending together about halfway through Thursday), but I do remember a few of the more interesting and hilarious moments, which I shall cover in detail.

First off, I should note that our AEAer instructers were about 17-20, so they were young enough that they could relate easily with the class. And one of their most awesome features was that they were all clowns. They knew their stuff, and they got the point across, and I learned a LOT, but it was also really fun to listen to them talk because they were so hilarious.

On Wednesday, we were given one lecture (on basics of debate), and then two other people got up and gave us a short half-lecture (I don't remember which one it was), and then they sprung a very cool surprise on us: they had a movie on debate they wished to show us. As described by Tim (who was one of my two favorite instructors), it was "What debaters do when they're bored." It was basically what NOT to do in a debate. It began by playing the LOTR theme and had the fade-in words like LOTR, and the title was "A Debater's tale, by debaters." Then they had a creepy-sounding voiceover that basically said stuff like "Debating is a horrifying, terrible thing . . ." and stuff like that, and they had people randomly walking in slow motion through a building. Then they met up with a creepy guy covered in a black sheet who had a really high, chipmunk-y nasal voice, who was really hard to understand but yet funny to listen to. Then the movie progressed to part two: "The great chair debate." This was basically a parody of a debate. Some general info on these debates: there are two debaters on each side, each performing two speeches, and these speeches are interspersed between each other and basically are set up so that each one answers the arguments put forth by the previous one. There are also two teams: Affirmative and negative, the aff team wanting to change some policy and the neg trying to prove that what we already have is better.

Okay, back to the movie. The four debaters entered the debate room and shook hands with the judge, which was in itself very funny because they were all walking in cheesy film slow motion, and Apollo 13 music was playing. And they had a guy who was playing a girl, and who (this is scary) actually looked the part with the costume. So after they had taken their seats, the first aff speaker (played by Tim, I think, I'm not sure) stood up and basically told the judge how chairs are evil because they cause injuries when people pull them out from under you or whack you on the head with them. He presented the case, and then he was cross-examined by the "girl." "S"he came up and asked him if he had any evidence for his case, that chairs were evil and kill people. After lots of beating around the bush, she finally said, "it's a simple question: do you have any evidence?" and the guy said "NOO!!!!!!" and then they both sat down. Then the first neg speaker got up and explained how they had no evidence. As he was speaking, the aff team was writing fake evidence to present. Then the second aff speaker got up and had two thick binders marked "evidence." He said "They say we have no evidence. Here are two giant binders of evidence. I am now open for cross-examination," and then he was asked some pointless questions and sat down.

The rest of the debate was a musical thing, with no talking. But in involved one guy drawing pointless diagrams (he had earlier said "If this circle is the debate, this line through the middle is the other team's chance of winning"), and the girl literally falling on her knees and pleading the judge to vote negative.

And one thing I forgot to mention, the second aff guy did present one valuable piece of evidence: "America has an obesity problem. And we sit down in chairs to eat. If we eliminate the chairs, we'll have to squat to eat like Africans. Now, Africa does not have an obesity problem. Therefore, getting rid of chairs would solve the American obesity problem."

So after the debate was over, the judge labored over the case, and couldn't decide who to vote for, so finally he flipped a coin, and it flipped and landed in slow motion, ending up tails, and that was the end of the movie.

Now, with me describing it, it probably wasn't funny at all. But watching it, it was hysterical.

Then on Thursday we had another hilarious incident (I'm focusing on the funny stuff because the serious interesting stuff would take too long to explain). One of the other instructors, Nathan (who is an AWESOME debater, we saw him debate some of the other instructors and he annihilated them), and Tim were giving a talk on some very important subject (the affirmative case, I think). And Nathan asked Tim to create a case on the board that he could use as an example. Tim began doing this, and Nathan kept talking, but soon discovered that no one was listening to him, because Tim was writing an absolutely hilarious case on the board. (I'll present the case in English, not technical debate terms.)
Basic Definitions: Nathan = "tall"
Problem: Nathan hits his head on doorways.
Solution: Remove legs.
People to carry it out: Tim, Mrs. Lane, Jason (another instructor).
Advantage gained by carrying out solution: Nathan rocks, so we'd preserve the awesomeness of him without his hitting his head and killing himself.

So of course after that Nathan was explaining about responding to cases, and asked Tim to respond. Then, in one of the greatest moments of the week, Tim looked at it and said "Well, there really isn't a whole lot you can say against this . . ." And Nathan took two giant steps forwards and held out his hand for the marker (which was hilarious if you're there watching it). Tim gave it to him, and Nathan annihilated his case:
Basic Definitions: I'm not that tall.
Problem: You have no evidence.
Solution: Cutting off legs is illegal.
Advantage gained: "Nathan rocks" is a given.

So then of course Tim had to get the last word, so he took back the marker and made his final arguments:
General: His hitting his head is supported by history. I mean, just LOOK!

And thus ended the great "Nathan Debate."

Then Thursday night we saw Pilgrim's Progress, but so I can keep myself aware of what I'm talking about, I'll talk about that after I've talked about the rest of debate camp.

On Friday (aka yesterday), there were just two looooong lectures on argumentation. But we played a seriously awesome game over one of the breaks (Rats and Exterminators . . . super fun game), and there was one moment that won't be funny at all in writing, but that in person had me laughing out loud for literally like five minutes.

Another one of the instructors, Ben, told us the story of his first year in debate: "I won 2 [debates] the entire year: one was a bye and an automatic win, and the other one was against someone I had practiced against all year." But he said that every time after the bye, he would go up and communicate to the judge (subtly) "I've won a debate round, so you can vote for me." Then he told us, "Since this is your first time debating, you don't have the ability to say that. But what you can say, is 'my opponent has never won a debate round.' Of course, the problem is that your opponent will come up and say the same thing." At this point, he paused because people were laughing. When they stopped, he looked somewhat bewildered and finished his statement by saying: "but eventually, one of you will not be able to say that anymore." Pause. Shrug. "So,"

The entire room, students, instructors, parents, Mrs. Lane, started cracking up. It was just such a pathetic ending to such a stupid statement . . . it was awesome. After the laughter had died down somewhat, he looked at us and said, "That's one of those moments where you have absolutely no idea what you just said." Which kindled even more laughter. Ahh . . . a truly great moment. Hopefully you can all picture what I mean, because if you can't it isn't funny at all. If you can't, then ask me to demonstrate next time you see me. It probably won't be funny then, either, because it's me doing it, but then you can read it again imagining him doing it, and you'll hopefully find the funny part of it.

So that, in a nutshell, is how much fun the first three days of debate camp were. Which brings us to today: the debates themselves. We had five rounds (debates), where each team went against another team. Without bogging you down with all the boring details, it was a LOT of fun. Because we finally got to put all the stuff we'd learned together (coupled with my extroadinary ability to win informal, everyday debates :P), and match it against another team. My team went 2-3, which is worse then I expected (and I think we really should've gone 3-2, one of the games was decided by the judge's personal opinion of something, and it shouldn't have been enough to give them the win anyway), but it was fun anyway. Actually, I think I would've done better, but my partner wasn't a really strong debater. I don't want to talk bad about him, he really tried hard, but he was only 12, and he couldn't process or understand all of the information that was crammed down our throats over the past few days.

So I was somewhat disapointed, but the good side of it was that every judge (the judges changed each round) said that I was an awesome public speaker. Thank you, Mrs. Perry!!! If someone here (aka Dr. C or David) could kindly convey my thanks to her, since I probably won't see her for a while (unless I see Beth at dance, in which case I can tell her to tell her mom), I'd be much obliged. That was really cool . . . they gave us evaluation sheets at the end of each round, and every single one of them said that I did "An awesome job speaking." So that was comforting after facing a losing record. Mrs. Perry officially rocks in my book now. Not that she didn't before, but now I'm seeing the results of the class . . .

Anyway, I'm repeating myself, so I'll move on.

David, you asked me for a full review of Pilgrim's here by the end of the week. Well, the great Mark Harbison does not disappoint. (Actually, I would've said a lot of this stuff to you after the show, but I was thinking about the conversation I'd just had with Sarah about ToS and Debate, so it slipped my mind.)

I can describe my general feelings about Pilgrim's Progress in three words: IT. WAS. AWESOME. Definitely one of my favorite LifeHouse shows. As funny as Esther and as serious as Hunchback at the same time (if you don't know what I mean, ask AJ, or me, or David, or any other LifeHouse person who comes here . . . which I think is Megan). As cheesy as this sounds, this was the closest to tears I've ever come at a LifeHouse show.

For AJ, it would probably be a really good show, but not an awesome show. Because about half the music was by Jeff Moore, which was very refreshing and un-Wayne-like, and was REALLY good, but the other half was by Wayne and Debra, who (no offense to anyone) frankly cannot write music. So there was one song which was sung by lady in Vanity Fair (not Hopeful, who was female in the play), and it was really really cool, and then a similar song sung by Hopeful on the road that I thought was only okay (please don't kill me, Melody).

And the acting was stupendous. A guy named Nathan played Christian, and he was awesome, another guy named Nathan played John Bunyan/Evangelist (yes they were the same person), and he played the part to perfection, doing Evangelist exactly the way I pictured him in the book.

But one person who really stood out to me personally was a guy named Jason, who played Good Will and Faithful. He was awesome in those roles, but the reason he was awesome to be is because of something else. He is able to play those two parts really well, and in Oliver he plays Bill Sikes, and he's really good at it. So he can turn the ultimate good guy (Faithful) into the ultimate bad guy (Sikes). That's a rare ability.

And of course, he had the best line in the whole show, too (those of you who haven't been to LifeHouse too much won't appreciate it, probably). When he was Good Will, he opened the wicket gate and told Christian to follow the straight and narrow path. Then the chorus came out doing a really weird and random dance, with as much cheese as humanly possible (and the priceless site of Cedric in a blue sombrero shaking two rattles . . .). They danced for a while, and sang a song that was just as cheesy, then split in two and exited through the audience. Then Christian said to Good Will, "Who were they?" And Good Will says, "I have noo idea."

As I said, if you haven't been to lifehouse a whole lot, that probably isn't too funny. But it's such a great line . . . LifeHouse likes to have the chorus (or often the town) enter in random places to sing a song.

So anyway, it was a perfect mix of comedy and drama. With great acting and great singing to top it off (other than a few people whose names I will not state[because I don't remember them]). And of course the great story.

Oh, and also, there was one thing that was sort of different, but that I really liked. In Moses, for the scene crossing the Red Sea, they did the STUPIDEST thing ever, and the had a blue sheet that they lifted up, and people walked under it. But in Pilgrim's, for the rivers and the Slough of Despond, they had people be them. They just kind of sat there and waved their arms to look like waves, and it was actually effective and made it seem like a real river somehow.

And I must say what some of the funny parts are, because that's the way I am and I can't resist. Taylor was Fear in one scene, where Christian was climbing a hill. He was going up and Evangelist came over and they were talking, and Christian said "all I've found on this path is fear," and she leaped out of nowhere and yelled "boo!" and he flew backwards. Then Evangelist said "Fear, begone!" And she folded her arms and kind of snorted in disgust and walked off in disgust. Yes, I said disgust twice. Give me a break. I'm super-tired, gosh.

So then after the awesome show, I went up to say hi to people. And although the bulk of the time was spent talking to Sarah about ToS and Debate, I want to focus on (stupid debate class) the conversation I had with Taylor. Besides our general desire to kill each other, she had something else to talk about. Apparently SOMEONE told her SOMETHING about this blog(*glares at this someone*), and me writing about her . . . I don't even remember what it was I said, but I ended it with "If Taylor ever reads this, she's going to kill me." I'm too lazy to go back and look at it, but apparently I wasn't wrong. She had two guys sock me in the arm a few times, then started sending vicious insults my way, then I left because Dad had already been waiting in the car for a long time.

So, now that you're all dead from boredom and thinking over and over "why the heck is that funny??" I shall finally get to comments (and Rae, remember, it's not "I'm predy bore to death" :P):

Rachael, 1 and 2: I thought it was probably you, turns out I was right. Wait, what am I saying? Of course I was right. I'm always right :P (@ Megan: after all, I do know all) And to both you and David, WILL YOU STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S MY FAULT I HAVEN'T BEEN TO DANCE?? Seriously, I got really upset with Mom when she scheduled the math class there, but what am I supposed to do, say, "Mr. Burton, my mom lied, I actually do have something on Monday." I can't exactly do that. So I guess I'll have to put my dancing abilites to the test and learn a routine in a few weeks . . . *sigh*

Normally, I would answer you, but please please PLEASE don't bring up healthcare. I have been studying Medical Malpractice pretty much nonstop the past few nights, and I really don't want to talk about healthcare policies and insurance rates and all that stuff. But one thing I will say, because I said it over and over again today: Good doctors will operate on the correct side of the brain. This is what makes them good doctors. Thank you, I am now open for cross-examination.

And who ever said that one has to be from texas to say "Y'all?" It's just easier to type than you all, and sounds cooler. I actually say it sometimes in real life, if you listen close enough. Tim even said it this week in debate, and I'm reasonably sure (as in, I have no idea but this is what I'm guessing) that he's from CA from his moment of birth.

Rae: It's Death Star. Capitalized. Proper noun, it's a specific place. Topicality. WE ARGUE TOPICALITY!!! (stupid class . . . I seriously am trying not to say stuff like that, but it's just coming out) And to y'all (yes, Rachael, y'all), I'm fully aware that women can do worse things than make me eat garnishes and fruit rinds. Just look at Sarah. She made me waste valuable hours of my life playing ToS :P

And bean bags are awesome weapons, because they allow you to prove your superiority without hurting the person, thus allowing you to actually hurt them the fun way (with swords and knives and poison darts and sniper rifles and hand grenades and atomic bombs and earthquakes and tornadoes and blowing up the world and destroying the entire universe with a tiny little gun).

Stephen: You seem to be my top commenter on my last post! You get a prize! . . . or, well, okay maybe not. It was pretty cool, at debate, if they were quizzing us, whenever we got the answer right we got a Starburst as a prize. It was awesome.

Anyway, back on topic, I point to my response to Rae's comment in response to your comment.

Eleanor: Seriously? You can do a Russian accent? That rocks!!! I can do English and French (sort of), and I've always wanted to do a Russian accent . . . make me a Russian, Eleanor, with your awesome power!!

Megan: Done and done.

lol . . . alas, no, I cannot do a beaver victory dance. We'll have to get Sarah on here to do that. We vastly superior fauns cannot stoop so low as to do that dance :P In reference to Talor's "oh crap" face, it was funny because I mentioned that the FOURTH OF JULY was coming up. Now, think about Pollyanna, and what happened in Pollyanna regarding the FOURTH OF JULY, and why Taylor most likely hates that holiday now. And it'll all make sense.

Well that kind of stinks . . . you told me you were putting EMBARASSING things on the sign! What happened to that?! And for the fiftieth time, I'M SORRY ALREADY. I'm sure you enjoyed yourself anyway. And despite the fact that it isn't really funny, I can't help laughing at your dad. I guess I just find it . . . so predictable, based on what you said beforehand. In any case, just assure him that I am not your boyfriend, and hopefully all will be well.

P.S. I know how to type P.S. correctly, and you don't. So there! *sticks toungue out*

Stephen 2 and 3: Oh my . . . you really are evil, aren't you? That Wal-mart scheme on your blog, confusing poor idiot teenager drivethrough people . . . next thing we know you'll be making some elaborate scheme to destroy the local store you don't like by somehow dumping millions of tons of bean bags on it.

You left me a comment just for the hack of it? I feel special!! I am the first person to ever have a comment left to him just for the sake of a typo!! (unless of course they were correcting it)

Now I'm going to do something I've never done before and end with something other than comments. I'm going to give a joke that Tim told in debate:

Two penguins are sitting on a block of ice, just talking and having a good time. Then the ice breaks in half. One floats of one way, the other floats off the other way. One says, "See you later!" and the other penguin says "Chocolate milk."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Get it? Me, niether.