A Typical Two Weeks in Redlands

Pride. Prejudice. Captivating dialogue. Six-foot spears. Hardcore battling. Overcoming years of difficulty and failure and succeeding at last against all odds. One incredibly screwed-up roadtrip. One phone playing “Rockin’ Robin” from the ceiling of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton. One Electric Monk sincerely believing that a desert valley is pink.

It’s been an exciting pair of weeks here in Redlands, California. Well, okay, perhaps “exciting” is a strong word. But things have happened here in the last two weeks, and it’s my job to relate those things to you, no matter how boring, pointless, and completely devoid of an interest factor those things are. Too bad I don’t get paid for it.

Thursday, January 11th. Life, generally speaking, is good. Then, I’m hit by a stunning revelation: “It’s Thursday. January 11th.” Why is this significant? Because Friday, January 12th, is the day of Lit. Club. This time, we are discussing Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

Which is 375 pages long.

Which I hadn’t started yet.

Accompanying the stunning revelation came the thought of a single word: “Crap.” This was followed by another word. A beautiful word. A word that has been the salvation of many, a word that is so sacred that it is never spoken except in times of great need. What is this word? “Sparknotes.”

I was thus faced with a moral quandary: should I go for the Sparknotes, or try to get through the entire book in less than 24 hours? The former, obviously, would be greatly preferable in terms of time spent. But on the other hand, reading the Sparknotes would also obviously give me less insight into the nuances of the characters and Austen herself as the narrator, which would no doubt have adverse effects on my ability to participate intelligently in the discussion.

In the end, it was something seemingly completely unrelated that decided it: I’m a Torrey Academy student. How does this apply, you ask?

Torrey Academy Student Requirement #29: “All Torrey students know that reading Cliffsnotes is for amateurs — we WRITE the Cliffsnotes.”

Obviously I could’ve justified it by saying that I’d be using Sparknotes and not Cliffsnotes, but I chose in this situation to obey the spirit as well as the letter of the law.

So I opened the book and began to read.

Unfortunately, this story has a somewhat anti-climactic and non-inspirational ending, because I failed to finish the book by 7:00 PM on Friday. I did, however, get to page 325, which was farther than I was expecting to go. In the end, then, I was forced to turn to Sparknotes to get the last fifty pages of plot, although obviously it was fairly easy to predict.

The discussion itself was cool as always. Not really a whole lot I can say, I don’t think, unless I really want to spend a lot of time on this part of the post, which to be honest I really don’t. I will note, however, that every girl present enjoyed the book, and surprisingly most guys as well (myself included). There was only one person that I remember who expressed a distinctly negative reaction, saying that there was “not enough action . . . dancing doesn’t count.”

Saturday was a pretty typical non-Lifehouse Saturday, other than the addition of football to the mix.

On Sunday I went back to Seth’s after church and hung out for most of the day. We spent the majority of the afternoon messing around with my lightsaber (nothing damaging, of course) and playing Seth’s Wii.

This was my first experience with the new(-ish) Nintendo Wii, and I must say, I’m greatly impressed. The games I played were Wii Sports and (briefly) Twilight Princess. Twilight Princess I didn’t really do much . . . I just rode around on Epona flailing about randomly with my sword, pretty much. Wii Sports, however, I did much. The game was quite simplistic (it was more an introduction to motion control than an actual game), but it was a blast.

The first thing I did was bowling, where I was soundly trounced by Seth, and then Tennis, where I came really close to beating him but failed, then Baseball, which ended in a 0-0 tie, then Golf, where we (we alternated holes) ended up at roughly +15 after three holes (in my defense, Seth played one hole and went +7, I went +8 in two), and then finally boxing by myself. I triumphed greatly at Boxing because it was painfully easy. It required basically no skill whatsoever. I just jabbed nonstop, alternating hands, and basically totally smacked down every opponent I faced. And that was pretty much that.

The next big, exciting thing that happened was on Monday night, when Josh walked into rehearsal carrying a six-foot spear. Unfortunately, Nikko gets to use it and not just your average Winkie, but it’s still freakin’ cool.

We didn’t get to see it in action until Tuesday, when we actually choreographed the fights. Which are fun, even though I get a bastard sword and not a spear. And even that I lose several seconds into the fight. But it’s all good.

Other interesting events that have happened, in no particular order:
— Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams
Another book by one of my three favorite authors, who I haven’t read in a while. I got this book for Christmas, and started it this week. My impression thus far is that it isn’t as good as the Hitchhiker’s series, for the most part, but it’s still pretty good.

— The Office
I had a random craving a while ago for this NBC comedy based on the award-winning British comedy of the same name. Remembering that you could buy TV show episodes on iTunes, I bought the episode “The Coup”. I greatly enjoyed it, and decided maybe I’d buy one more, just for fun. After that, I became completely obsessed, and have now bought eleven episodes. A big part of this came out of a sub-obsession with the Jim/Pam story, so I bought a number of episodes purely because I knew that they factored into that (specifically, “Casino Night” and “Gay Witch Hunt”). So basically, I’m completely in love with this show now, and I’d like to publicly express my condolences to Karen (not that she actually exists or anything like that). I like you, and it’s too bad about Jim.

— Little Miss Sunshine
This is a comedy that came out a while ago starring Greg Kinnear and (more importantly for me) Steve Carell. Due to my fledgling Office obsession, I’m a big fan of Steve Carell at the moment. Anyway, we watched this on Friday night because Uncle Ted and Bev had heard good things about it and gotten a copy of it from somewhere (I can’t remember where specifically). My reaction to this movie in one word: bizarre. If it wanted to be, it could be one of the most depressing movies I’ve ever seen. But it wasn’t, because it was a comedy. And it was HILARIOUS. Not the sort of movie I’d want to watch again and again (although I WOULD watch it again if I were watching it with someone who hadn’t seen it), but it was a very good movie. All the acting was great, the writing was great, and I . . . can’t think of a third thing to compliment. There weren’t a whole lot of special effects or anything like that, so I can’t go that direction . . . but anyway, it really was a very good movie. If you have the opportunity to watch it, I’d recommend it . . . but watch it with other people, not by yourself. And also, be prepared for quite a bit of foul language . . .

— The New Moses
If you haven’t seen it yet, check out So_Thoughtful to see a brand-new post, the first in a long time. It’s about Val Kilmer playing Moses in The Ten Commandments: The Musical.

And that’s pretty much my life for the past two weeks. And now you’re all caught up. I might go to posting every two weeks instead of every week (theoretically, anyway), I haven’t decided yet. But be sure, there will be a new post in a few weeks.

And until then . . . adieu. Drive safely.

Comments (some skipped):
Stephen1: One of my friends wanted to get the Mace Windu one . . . don’t think he ever did, though. And from the sound of it, I have about the same level of desire to get a facebook as a myspace . . . which is roughly zero.

Amy Grace1: Why thank you!
AJ1: *deep breath* Thanks. Yes, he’s dead. Most things could be better. Thanks again. Well, it’s the truth. Because when you button it, it secures the collar. Me, too. Undoubtedly, but “a wever” is much more fun. I had to look it up. Would “Congratulations” be better? Yes, good job.

AJ2: Thanks again again.

Stephen5: I love how you can tie Tolkein and MacDonald into a conversation about video games. Although . . . I guess D&D isn’t really a video game, right?

Rae: Well, it would be kind of unfair to give you the award since you didn’t comment, wouldn’t it? I’m sorry that my masculinity in Wizard wasn’t terribly clearly defined for you. I’ll try to remedy that in the future. Yay! Another person who’s seen UHF! Hurrah! And that’s not true . . . there’s some uncool girls trying to be cool girls out there, too. And then there’s the girls who just ARE cool . . .

Amy Grace4: Well, then, good for you. Paul’s a pretty good guy to emulate.

Pointless Award that No One Cares About, #3: My goodness, there were so many great comments on the last entry, it’s really difficult to pick a winner. In the end, though, one person stands out. Stephen left 5 comments, but as he won it last time, I can’t give it to him again already. Rae, despite being my top commenter for so long, didn’t get hers in until #11, and only left one. Although she looks poised to be making a comeback, possibly in the next entry. AJ only left two comments, and was the third person to get two comments in. Which leaves, as the winner of the third postly Pointless Commenter Award, Amy Grace! (As a prize, her blog has been linked in the sidebar.)

Reports of My Demise were Greatly Exaggerated

Okay, so obviously it’s been over two months since I’ve updated, and probably you’re all thinking, “Has the Death Star finally been destroyed? Has the Luke Skywalker of an actual life fired the proton torpedoes of face-to-face communication into the exhaust port of indirect virtual correspondence? Has the Rebel Alliance of Mark’s extroverted tendencies finally gotten the best of him and become the New Republic, or at least the Alliance of Free Planets?” Or maybe you’ve just been asking yourself, “Has Mark’s Star Wars obsession finally gotten out of control to the point where he’s ceaselessly using metaphors from it to describe the current state of his existence?”

The answer to those questions is sometimes, “yes,” and sometimes, “no.” Which of course is completely unhelpful and reveals absolutely no information.

Obviously, the Death Star hasn’t been destroyed . . . for one thing, if you tried to look at the site, it was still here. There was nothing new on it, of course, but it was here. And now you can see that there IS something new . . . this post. So the Death Star has not been destroyed.

As for the other questions . . . Not really. I still don’t have a life, I’m pleased to report. The answer to the last question, however, was clearly “yes.”

Anyway, the reason I haven’t updated in so long is because, despite nothing changing on the “getting a life” front, I’ve been crazily busy lately. School has been insane, and Scrooge was insane for quite a while, and then even fencing was a little crazy at times. Basically meaning that certain things had to fall by the wayside for a while, and this blog was one of them. I’m sure that you’ve all been disappointed beyond all possible measure that it’s been so long, and for that I apologize. I hate to cause suffering.

But in any case, things are (hopefully) slowing down at the moment, so we’ll be able to get back on track, at least for the time being.

I’m not even really going to try too hard to get everything that’s happened in my life during the past two months . . . although I suppose I should give an overview, at least . . .

In case you didn’t know, Marley is dead. And since this comment has caused some confusion in the past, this is referring to Jacob, not Bob. Although I believe it’s equally true for both of them, I can’t honestly say that Bob’s death had much of an impact on my life.

Jacob’s did because there’s a song about it in Scrooge, in the form of a barbershop quartet. Since there’s a shortage of talented basses in the cast (and by “shortage” I mean “complete absence”), Rebecca (our music director) decided to make me the bass of said quartet.

Since I include myself in the untalented mass of basses, she also threw in John to help me out. In the end, he didn’t turn out to be terribly helpful . . . No offense to him, I like the man a lot, but he doesn’t know the part at all. *sigh* Oh, well.

In the end, though, I think it came off pretty well for all this . . . AJ might disagree with me on this, I’m not sure . . . but I’ll let Mr. University Singers speak for himself and enlighten us all with his opinion. But I know that I was happy with it, and I think Wayne and Rebecca were quite happy with it, as well.

Speaking of singing, I was also tossed into the Carolers as a bass . . . actually, no, I was originally cast as a Caroler, but originally Vince was also supposed to be one, so we would have an actual strong bass there. But, of course, Vince dropped, so that left me. I convinced Rebecca to add John (not Nowak . . . the other one . . .) to help me out, and I think that that’s worked out pretty well, all things considered. I mean, we’re not the greatest bass section ever, but we could be a lot worse (and would be, if it was just me).

But enough about acapella singing, although I could go on and talk about all the joyous drama that it’s caused . . . but I’m sure you all get enough drama without me adding to it.

Let’s see, what else . . . oh yes. On Monday of Tech Week, I was walking towards the office (to retrieve my coat, I believe) when Adam stopped me. “Hey Mark,” he said, “Could you do me a favor?”

“Sure,” I replied, expecting his next words to be something along the lines of, “Could you grab me a water while you’re in the lobby?”

“Want to play Fred and Young Scrooge the nights I’m not here?”

For those of you who may one day be in Adam’s situation, do people like me a favor . . . DON’T start a question like that matter-of-factly. It’s not nice. Making us do a double-take and say, “Wait, what??” is just plain cruel.

In any case . . . yeah. I became Adam’s understudy that night, and have successfully played Fred Hollywell and Young Ebenezer Scrooge twice. Hooray! *confetti*

So yes . . . Scrooge has been eating up my weekends recently.

“Get your lazy butt on the dance floor!” (Credit to Megan for that quote.) December 9th, 2006: It is Saturday. Two shows have been completed. At one of them, I performed in the roles of Young Scrooge and Fred Hollywell. It was the first time that I had ever done such things, and I was greatly stressed out. Lots of running around, lots of raising my hands above my head and screaming silently, lots of desperately hoping to get on stage, in costume, on time. (The height of irony . . . a quote from Taylor: “Mark! RELAX!!”)

There was also a female backstage who was not a member of the cast. This is, of course, frowned upon by the authorities, and of course I would NEVER abide by any breaking of any rule set out by any of the powers that be at Lifehouse, but in perfect honesty no one really cares. So there was this female, and she was wearing a very pretty dress, and curling her hair (which for some reason took her the entire show).

Her name was Andrea. Her reason for being there? The other reason that December 9th, 2006 was special: the Kimberly Juniors’ Christmas Dance.

Miss Andrea had found herself previously without an escort to said dance, and she had to go. She also had to have a male escort. In lieu of a more suitable partner, I was chosen to accompany her.

Upon the completion of the show, I went backstage and tried to change quickly into my suit (it was, regrettably but not unexpectedly, a semi-formal dance). I say “tried” because it sounds better than “miserably failed.” The dance had started at 9:00, and obviously the show wasn’t over yet at that point, so we were rushing over after the show (carpooling with Taylor and Daniel, who were also going). I had my suit and everything with me, but I also had to take my makeup off, hang my costume up, and get that STUPID button that’s under the tie buttoned . . . the one that you can’t button until the tie is already on, but which the tie being on makes it nearly impossible to successfully button.

I then discovered, much to my dismay, that I’d forgotten my comb. Obviously, since I’d just performed in a show in which I wore a hat, my hair was a complete mess. I didn’t have a terrible problem with this (I rarely do), but I figured that probably Andrea would prefer to show up with a guy who looked like he’d made SOME effort to look nice. In the end, I was able to borrow a hairbrush from Austin the Elder, so it turned out okay (I think).

As I quickly scurried out of the dressing room (several minutes after I had hoped to), I got several comments from the other guys on my appearance (most of them positive but confused). I reached the lobby, where everyone was standing around waiting for me. We quickly took pictures, then ran out to the car and drove to the place. I can’t remember what it was called . . . it was near Smiley Library, but that’s about all I figured out.

When we got inside, we had to go down this thing that was called (I think) the Receiving Line, where Andrea had to present me, her escort, to all the powers that be in KJ’s (yes, I’ve used the phrase “powers that be” twice now). Then we were allowed to go into the actual room where the dance was being held.

And so, here it is. My first impression of the first dance I was ever present at (and the last, to this point): “Dang . . . it’s freakin’ LOUD in here.” And when I say loud, I mean LOUD. Like, instant headache loud. I suppose all dances are like that, and I should’ve known this, but . . . yeesh.

We stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few minutes (and were waved at by a number of people), then went and sat down at the nearest table. We sat there for a while, then figured we should stand around awkwardly some more, so we went out on the dance floor and stood around awkwardly, and then went and sat back down.

We tried to have meaningful conversation, I think, but we failed because of the aforementioned ridiculous volume level. Daniel said he was very tempted to go and mess with the soundboard a little bit, but he refrained (much to my disappointment).

It was around this time, I believe, when Megan came over, grabbed the back of my coat, and roughly heaved me out of my chair. She then went over to Andrea and told her to get up, and then said what I have immortalized as the heading of this section.

And so we did. And we remained on the dance floor for the next hour and a half or so, and really, what’s there to tell? Depending on how you define “dancing,” we either did very little or quite a bit . . . several people came over and joined us at times (usually Megan and/or John, who, I’m discovering, has a name that’s way too common), and at other times we were just there ourselves.

After that we went and sat back down with Taylor and Daniel for a while, then got up again to dance the last song.

The most exciting thing that happened was towards the end of the night, when Taylor actually managed to drag Daniel out onto the dance floor for one song . . . but then, since almost none of you know Daniel, that won’t mean anything to you.

After the dance, Andrea (well, her father, technically speaking) took me home, and that was that.

If ever a wever a wiz there was . . . On Thursday, December 14th, auditions were held for The Wizard of Oz, and I chose to participate. After waiting a year between Lifehouse shows before (Cinderella-Scrooge), I shall now wait only a single show (Shadowlands) before I once again grace the stage at 1135 N. Church Street.

Anyway, this audition actually went well, as far as auditions go . . . wasn’t a miserable audition like my Scrooge audition was, or my Oliver audition . . . I sang “If I Were A Rich Man” from Fiddler on the Roof . . .

And then on Tuesday I learned that I’d made it in . . . as did Rachel and Taylor. Sarah also auditioned, but for mysterious reasons (meaning, reasons I don’t feel like explaining) she’s not in it.

So yeah . . . fun times there.

Roadtrip!! On December 21st, as I was putting the ornaments on our Christmas tree and drinking eggnog (non-alcoholic eggnog), we heard a car door slam shut on the street outside. We heard a muffled thumping, as though some large animal had jumped out of a truck.

We heard another car door slam. We all looked at each other, knowing what was coming. Jersey was placed in confinement in the office. I took another sip of eggnog, put another ornament on the tree.

Then the front door opened, and in walked the closers of the two car doors and the large animal: Uncle Ted, Bev, and Achilles. They moved out here from Indiana, and are currently living with us while they try to get back on their feet financially.

So for the rest of the night, we were sitting around talking with them and petting Achilles (who made a great first impression by destroying my glass of eggnog with his tail). And that, as they say, is that.

Bring us the dang figgy pudding already! On December 24th, it was Christmas Eve. The day wasn’t terribly exciting . . . we had church as usual, then watched football as usual.

That night, we followed through with our typical Christmas Eve tradition of a buffet of hors d’oeuvres (pronounced “horsey dor vers”) while watching some Christmas movie or other (despite complaints that several “House” episodes would be better).

This year, AJ and I spent a while searching to try to find the movies we watched every year when we were little, which consisted of a bunch of recorded TV specials. We watched “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” and “Eureeka’s Castle Christmas.”

They were all, of course, pretty lame, but they all had their charms, and of course they brought back countless memories. I don’t think Mom and Dad enjoyed them very much, but AJ and I did.

Just before that, we’d celebrated AJ’s birthday and given him his presents, of which there were only two (one from me and one from Mom and Dad, because his big present is money for the roadtrip).

After we’d finished watching everything, Uncle Ted and Bev came back (they’d been off at a party with Bev’s children), and we hung around and talked for a while. Uncle Ted also showed us the not-really-famous “Ping Pong Ball Routine,” in which he makes three ping pong balls disappear (wow!) and then reappear. He also showed us that if you stick a ping pong ball in fire, it’ll flare up and then *poof*, be gone forever. And ALSO that they’re filled (essentially) with Vicks’ Vapor Rub.

All in all, an interesting night.

The gateway to . . . adulthood? Christmas Day. 2:29 AM. Welcome to the adult world, brother. AJ turns 21.

Later, everyone gets up and we have the traditional present-opening time . . . this was the year of the CD. AJ got 9, I got 6 (and I bought another one with giftcards). Four U2, one Weird Al, one Switchfoot, and I bought Coldplay.

My two biggest presents, however, were not CDs. The first one, which I was somewhat expecting, was a black fedora, which joins my trench coat (and the scarf that Moe made me) in my “uncool-guy-trying-to-be-cool” look.

The second one I didn’t expect to get in a million years, because I’d wanted it terribly for a long time and Mom was always telling me what a horrible waste of money it was (and I won’t deny that it is, much as I love it). I am now, however, the proud owner of a Master Replicas Force FX Episode V Darth Vader Lightsaber. Hoo-ah.

The main part of the day didn’t start until early evening, however: AJ’s official 21st birthday party. The details of this party were captured on video, and I can never hope to do it justice with words.

AJ will soon be in possession of a DVD of this video, as will I, so at some point you all should watch it. But suffice it to say that it was a fun night, filled with Uncle Ted’s crazy antics and lots of alcohol for everyone but me.

It’s over!! On December 31st, 2006, Scrooge ended. Despite a LOT of frustration during rehearsals, it was a good run and I enjoyed it a lot. As always, there are parts that I’ll miss (mostly people) and parts that I REALLY won’t miss. And . . . what else is there to say?

Happy New Year! It’s 2007! Yay!

Wizard rehearsals also started on Thursday . . . as you can tell, I’ve somewhat run out of gas in terms of writing this and just want to get it up. So we’ll leave off there with that.

Get ready for a 2007 filled with (hopefully) more consistent blogging here at the Death Star, which is, by the way, fully operational once again.

Comments:
Mrs. Perry: Did I say “old?” My bad, I meant to say “young and beautiful” . . . what the heck was I thinking? And yes, Sarah definitely did look amazingly beautiful. My apologies if my description seemed less than outstanding.

Stephen: You’ve seen UHF?? Awesome!! I wasn’t expecting that anyone I knew would’ve seen it . . .

AJ: I feel like the majority of responses to your comment would be outdated now . . .

Amy: Amy! Hello!! Thank you! I always wanted to be a Gravedigger, too . . . I was really happy when Rebecca upgraded me. Kelly was one because there was a show or two when we had a serious lack of Tenor, so she learned the part and sang it for us.

As for the completely pointless award that no one cares about . . . it’s a toughie. I’m inclined to give it to Mrs. Perry or Amy just because they are Mrs. Perry and Amy, who are not regular commentees here. But on the other hand, Stephen commented about UHF, which gives him major points. And then there’s AJ’s 11-part comment . . . in the end, though, AJ disqualified himself by claiming that he won before I even started thinking about it, and Stephen outclasses Mrs. Perry and Amy by being in contention AND being a consistent supporter of my work here at the Death Star.

Congratulations to Stephen, winner of the second Best Commenter Award!